suddenly i'm okay. coming to terms with reality

like weightless toys

    endless
 mellowness,
    c o m e 
      dress in a mirror.
draw soft glares
     across the surface 
           (and surface someone.)

    endless song
  drum me notes, 
         but not so hard! 
      s l o w   d o w n .
         listen to the thundering bass 
pushing our breath through our mouths
and shaking our hair and bones
like the footsteps of some great thing
that suffices to vibrate our bodies across the surface
like weightless toys.

           a wake
sprung light from death
and streamed the heat to my face.
A column, and a call
“leave your mask in bed!”

And it’s light
     (though it won’t seem like it)

Here:
below our crests; over our troughs —
I’m climbing a wire: an altar!
All is white and I am The Starkest Black
Now prostrating and revering myself.
He speaks: “tame a wild animal”.
I am.

I sit.
still; left leather top
and gate closed. far
from earth; ragged
look.

You never reached the door.
You stood outside, faced the sitting room.
Rain beating scars to heavy windows.
A warm fire panting. The couch patting the warm space
     you left; your lips
     open ajar, as my door,
and down your leg, a line,
a scrawl: love.

     To answer an angry growl,

I sang:
“please, two peas!
     you left;
don’t go — I’ve a hole in my heart,
     you know?”

     That exultation: it’s exhausting.

Aghast
An arthritic clicking of the fingers.
     I’ve snapped them like crazy.
     I’m clicking them now! Like the dog might come to me!?
I could change tempo.
     Life by my own beat for a bit.

But 
     now, now
let’s try to find sanity.
     “I’m not just talking to myself. Please, forgive! Listen:
      We can’t run away from anger. We’ve got to make peace and be real.”
So look not forlorn, for us:
knee-deep in filth,
chatting and fighting.
Because I liked you.
And you liked me.
      A little bit.

how close to get

(until)

Your feet touch, your minds don’t;
you blow kisses, they’re carried off:
as the wind; to white face rocks.

There’s you, and you, and me—
laughing, trembling.
Leaving: ripples on a mirror.

(for)

Even when they need it: an open hand to steady;
A solitary swimmer shan’t seek synchronisation.
They’ll sink silently: sapphires streaming,
guiltily gurgling.
As faces gently distort: they’re left castaway.

the wrong beat

Did I  do fine?
I did, I  followed a beat:
       mine; and in a manner,
    my mind— thumping, turning tables
 round bends; corners escaped:
lost a pulse of any quality.

Yet, I feel I can  still hear it,
still remember it, still find it. I'll
hold it closer this time, so delicately,
so preciously. Minding not to squeeze it,
nor to ignore it: to sink  attention
                  to synch affection—
I become a vessel—
and blissful beats bruise her cheeks
a colour that I've never seen before.